Why do some women take the initiative to be a third party?
Frequently active third parties or a third party with heart addiction can be divided into two types: passive third parties and active third parties.
Only after vortexing the emotions did I know that the other party had a lover, which was a passive third party.
Knowing that the other party has a lover but still absorbs the vortex of emotion, this is an active third party.
For some, being a third party is often a desire, an addiction.
In junior high school, a classmate of mine said that his biggest wish in his life was to be a third party ten times.
Although he is a classmate of the same grade, he is a few years older than me, married and had children shortly after graduating from junior high school, and has lost contact for almost 20 years. I wonder if he has put this wish into action.
Relatively speaking, there seem to be few active third parties for men. In our culture, there are still more active third parties for women.
Maybe, for example, in the “third party” of Baidu Post Bar, the posts and replies are mainly women, so that one post asked wonderingly: “Why are 90% of women here?
“For the delicate psychology of women taking the initiative to be a third party, the female writer Sheng can elaborately and meticulously portray in her novel” The Ode to Morality “.
The heroine of the novel, Jiyi, had a wish with Shui Jingqiu, who had just passed the unbelievable year, and Shui Jingqiu had a wife, Mekama, so Gyiyi became the third party.
Judging from the plot, it was Shui Jingqiu who seduced Zhiyi first, but psychologically, being a third person is a hobby of Zhiyi.
Because, as early as three years before I knew Shui Jingqiu, I intended Yiyi as a third party: Jiyi successfully destroyed a family, and the other party was preparing to marry her. She felt dull and ended relentlessly.A relationship.
She didn’t seem to want marriage, she was not in a relationship, but she was defeating another woman (a potential enemy).
Guiyi once had a joke, falling in love with an unmarried man is bland, and full of military-style solitude and boringness in peaceful times.
She and her married man chew every day, and every day there are fighting situations that make her suffer.
People often think that a third party is eager to take their lover as their own.
For a passive third party, this may be true, but the real purpose of the active third party is not here. What they desire is the love triangle itself. Once the love triangle becomes a duo, they will immediately feel dull., And then retired.
This was the love triangle in the past, and now this love triangle is the same, Sheng can be replaced: in fact, the intention is to know what love is.
Love, or a showdown with mekama.
To compete with the lover’s lover, this is the deep purpose of a woman like Zhiyi’s active involvement in the triangle love vortex.
In this kind of love triangle, the key is not to stand up with the lover, but the key is to decide on the level.
And this kind of decisive battle is best to go on forever, and it is better not to end it. Once the lover’s lover leaves, the conditions for a decisive battle no longer exist.
Such stories are not uncommon.
I have a dream . Sheng Ke’s Ode to Morality is written in blood, and Yiyi deliberately conceives a pair of twins. He wants Shui Jingqiu to leave Mekama and marry himself.
But Shui Jingqiu rejected her. Perhaps his subconscious had long understood the subconscious mind of a woman like Zhiyi. He faintly knew that once he left Mekama, the love triangle would be gone.Conditions, and he lost his appeal to the will.
As a result, Jiyi aborted, killed the twins, and killed the thirst for Shui Jingqiu, but in the end, he told her that Mekama had a chronic illness and could not live without insulin.
It turned out that the powerful opponent imagined by Guiyi was a vulnerable and weak woman.
In this way, Sheng can be used in the novel as: “She is destined to have this calamity.
“Because of these plots, the novel is shocking.
However, to me, the novel is far less stimulating than a 23-year-old girl’s dream.
Lisa is a media reporter, young and beautiful and talented. After talking with me once, she told me that she has a dream about a third party: I want to find such a married man. He is handsome and talented and has a daughter.
I approached him, he fell in love with me and divorced his wife.
The girl should not be awarded to his mother, but to him.
The girl hated me at first, hated me very, very much.
However, I love her very much, and made great efforts to finally get her love and recognition.
In the end, she loves me stepmother more than her dad and her mom.
It would be normal if Lisa’s dream ended here.
But she had the next horror fantasy: the girl’s mother deliberately retaliated, poured sulfuric acid at me, I was disfigured, my lover was extremely regretful, he dug out his eyes.I’m ugly, but he can’t see it, and we’ll be here forever. We love each other’s souls, not looks, talent, and money.
Why do some women take the initiative to be a third party?
Sheng Ke’s “Ode to Morality” published the answer, and Lisa’s dream also expressed the answer.
The imbalance of love gives rise to a third-party complex. Triangle love is easily verbalized and regarded as a beast-like heresy, but in fact, when we first fell in love with the opposite sex, we were almost necessarily in a triangular relationship.
This triangle relationship is the relationship between a child and his father and mother.
Generally speaking, the first person a child falls in love with is his own mother, because the mother nurtures him many times, meeting his material needs, giving him warmth and safety, and meeting his emotional needs.
But it’s 3?
At the age of five, the children’s love for heterosexual parents reached a climax.
Freud referred to this period as the Oedipus period.
At this stage, the son desires the mother to love herself more than the father, and the daughter desires the father to love herself more than the mother.
Sensitive parents will clearly understand the psychological characteristics of children at this stage.
Maybe because the mother may feel that the son is very sticky to her, sometimes the father sometimes deliberately alienates, but the father finds that the daughter is very sticky to him, and sometimes the mother is intentionally alienated.
The Oedipus period is an important stage of a person’s emotional development. If this stage can be spent smoothly, the triangle relationship between the child and the father and mother is full of love without obvious imbalance, that is, heterosexual parents love the child but at the same timeIf you love your spouse again, then this child will have a normal desire for love when he grows up, but if this period is not spent peacefully, then this child’s desire for love will be prone to various problems.
There are many types of deviations in the Oedipus period. It is easy to see that mothers love sons more than husbands and dads love daughters than wives. Boys who grow up in this family will have a strong mother-in-law complex. GirlsIt is easy to have a strong ecstatic complex.
But if there is another kind of deviation-the child is the loser of the Oedipal triangle, then the child is prone to a third-party complex.
It can be said that the third-party complex is a kind of repetition. In childhood, a child is a loser of the Oedipus triangle relationship. When he grows up, the child will consciously or unconsciously desire to be embedded in a triangle relationship, and he will beA man of the opposite sex is taken away from his lover, and once he succeeds, he can replace his childhood failure.
They are not eager for real success. However, this is not a simple competitive relationship. People with a third-party complex will not pursue simple success.
On the contrary, they have a strong ambivalence, which is enough to make them long for competition and success, and to take away the opposite sex from their lover and replace them, and they are afraid of such success.
So when they see success coming, they will run away.
The reason for fear comes from the complex psychology of Oedipus in two childhoods: First, no matter how the same-sex parent dissatisfied himself, a child will naturally long for the love of the same-sex parent. If the opposite-sex parent simply loves himselfRather than love a spouse, this child will have a strong sense of guilt and guilt. Secondly, for young children, parents are extremely powerful God. Children long for the love of heterosexual parents, but they also fear the same-sex parentsPunishment.
This complex contradictory psychology is vividly reflected in The Moral Ode.
The intention is to long for Shui Jingqiu from Mekama, and the deep meaning of this longing subconscious is to take “Dad” from “Mom”.
However, as soon as this desire was truly fulfilled, she fled immediately.
Shui Jingqiu did not give her this opportunity, so she seemed to have been thirsty to defeat Mekama.
However, before meeting Shui Jingqiu three years ago, she had been a third party once, but when the man and his wife divorced and were about to marry her, Yiyi ended the relationship categorically.
Sheng can use “uninteresting” to describe the feelings of Zhiyi at that time, but in addition to this feeling, the deeper feelings may be guilt and guilt.
This feeling of guilt was finally called profoundly.
Sheng can estimate: “At this moment, Yiyi Yi still feels great remorse for Mekama, she regrets calling her weak Mekama .” This is a strange mystery. I heard several stories aboutThis way: When the man ended his marriage relationship with his wife and was ready to marry another woman who actively intervened in the love triangle, the woman backed off.
It’s not hard to understand that in childhood, a little girl would never desire her mother to leave the home. What she longed for was that her father loved both her mother and her.
Because he has a girlfriend, falling in love with him may have more complicated relationships if he has multiple daughters.
At this time, it is easy to produce the fact that a daughter is listed as the last in the heart of her father. She is both a loser when she competes with her mother and a loser when she competes with her sister or sister.
If this happens, this woman may reap the result that it is difficult to associate with the same-sex sex of the older age and the same-sex age, and she will be the enemy of all the same-sex.
Lin is a 33-year-old Guangzhou beauty, but she doesn’t look like she’s 25 or 26 years old.
From the age of 21 to the present, she has had three important relationships, three of which are love triangles. Each time she knew in advance that the other party had a girlfriend or family, and she had a deep relationship.
The first love was when she graduated from college. At that time, Lin and a dozen of her peers went on an outing. At night, everyone crowded into a large room and laid the floor.
A boy proudly said that he has a beautiful girlfriend, she loves him very much, and he loves her very much.
Lynn recalled that she fell in love with the boy after everyone talked tonight.
She said the boy was handsome and excellent, so she fell in love with him.
But this night is so important, I guess, the reason why Lin fell in love with this boy is because this boy has an excellent girlfriend, and Lin subconsciously longs to compete with this girl.
The better this girl is, the more this boy loves her, the stronger Lyn’s desire for this boy is, which is the same as the intention of Yiyi.Another woman. ”
Soon, the seemingly passive Lin actively pursued the boy, and the boy also pedaled two boats and raced between two beauties, but when the two of them forced the boy to make an alternative, the boy returned without hesitationWhen it came to his girlfriend, Lin was hit hard.
Since then, despite the many suitors, both men and women have praised her for her good personality and attractiveness, but she has always been very inferior, thinking that she cannot possibly get all the love of a man.
At the age of 23, Lin met a woman-in-law who pursued her enthusiastically, and she soon fell into it.
What she really desires is to defeat her sister. Why?
Why are there many single men’s suitors, but she chooses a married woman?
In doing so, Lynn recalled that she confirmed at the time that she was worried that she would not get the love of a single man, and that it would be easier to get the love of a married woman.
From the standpoint of the observer, this logic is rather strange, because there is already a competitor, but also a competitor of strength, how can it be easier to get loved?
But in Lin’s view, this logic is beyond doubt.
Perhaps the real reason is that Lin was closed to love triangles time and time again, consciously thinking that a married woman is more likely to love her, and deep in the subconscious is to start a war and defeat another woman.
For Lynn, there are two women who she wants to defeat deep in her subconscious: mother and sister.
Lynn said that when she was 5 years old, she had a younger sister. After the younger sister was born, her father obviously shifted most of her mind to her younger sister, and it was easy to ignore her.
Not only is it incorrect, but sometimes one of the most profound things that insults Lin’s memory is that at the age of 6, the conditions at home were relatively poor, there was no toilet, and a spittoon was used.
In the evening, she was squatting on the spittoon. At this time, my father added that the younger sister would also use the spittoon.
Incredibly, Dad should pee on his sister Chao Lin without saying hello.
Lynn was told calmly about the incident, and there seemed to be no emotional response. I asked her what she felt, and she replied that after so long, she had no emotional response.
But when she talked deeply, she said that this incident made her feel greatly humiliated and made her feel worthless.
This is the fundamental reason for Lynn’s inferiority in front of men.
This trivial matter shows that in the eyes of Dad, her dignity is less important than her sister’s small physical needs.
If this kind of thing happens again and again, it means that she is a complete loser in the competition with her sister, and her sister will always be above her.
In her father’s mind, Lynn is not as important as her sister or mother. This is the truth of her life in her childhood.
She refused to accept the truth of her life, and longed to be remedied or even completely corrected.
So when she was an adult, she couldn’t help but be surrounded by love triangles one after another, eager to defeat a woman in such a triangle relationship.
However, what she really wanted to defeat was actually her sister first, followed by her mother.
Defeating defeat may be too serious. Lynn said that she didn’t feel that she had such a longing. All she wanted was to get a partial love from a man, that is, she hoped that this man would not give all his love to his wife.Part of it is fine.
I asked her what your ideal love is. She said that as long as it is on some important days, such as the “May 1st” holiday, “11th” holiday and her birthday, then her lover can spend time with herIt’s okay, as long as you can meet once a week or two.